Held, Free, and Radically Honest: Meagan O'Nan on Finding Connection in a Fractured World

The Journey to Being "Held and Free"

Meagan's work, particularly her book Held and Free , stems from her own profound experiences. She shared the story of being outed as gay while in college in Mississippi, facing rejection, judgment, and fear from her community and family. This tumultuous time forced a crucial realization: her identity had become a label in others' eyes, something "bad" that she couldn't fix externally.

"That's when I realized, okay, I have to do my own inner work," Meagan explained. "I have to survive this moment... build my confidence, and find myself and love myself and make myself whole, right? Because that's my job."

This journey involved leaving Mississippi, embarking on a spiritual path of self-discovery, and eventually returning home to face her past and rebuild relationships. The core message of Held and Free emerged from this process: finding a sense of being "held" (trusting that life is fundamentally okay and on your side) and "free" (having the agency to choose who you want to be) within oneself, independent of external validation.

Joshua T. Berglan resonated deeply, sharing his own struggles with identity, including Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and navigating multiple sexualities. He spoke of the pain of trying to conform to fit others' expectations and the ultimate freedom found in embracing his true self, labels aside. "The only way that was even possible is when I just embraced my identity and stood in my identity," he reflected.

Finding Common Ground in Disagreement and Division

In an era often characterized by "cancel culture" and online hostility, Meagan is currently exploring how to find connection amidst division for her next book. She offered a counter-narrative to the pervasive sense of discord, suggesting that the online world can amplify conflict in ways that don't always reflect real-world community interactions.

"What I see when I go out in my community... when I'm dealing with real people... people typically are going to meet you there in a way that's present, in a way that's a little bit more vulnerable, a little bit more open," she observed. She encouraged looking locally for evidence that connection and mutual respect are more possible than often portrayed.

Meagan's recent TEDx talk, "What to do when you disagree with someone you love," provides practical strategies. She shared a pivotal story about healing her relationship with her mother. Years after a painful coming-out experience led to distance, they exchanged letters detailing their perspectives and feelings from that difficult day.

"After I read her letter and she read my letter, we were able to both see that we were both just really terrified," Meagan recalled. They found common ground not in agreeing on the specifics, but in recognizing their shared fear. This realization became a catalyst for Meagan: understanding that vulnerability, especially admitting fears, can bridge divides. "We need to get to a point to where we're just more vulnerable and open with people from the get-go... so that we can get a point of human connection."

Transforming Pain and The Power of Honesty

Both Meagan and Joshua emphasized that facing pain, rather than avoiding it, is crucial for growth and healing. Meagan stressed the importance of allowing oneself to feel hurt before reacting or responding in difficult interactions. Joshua shared how hitting rock bottom, facing inescapable consequences, and being unable to dissociate finally forced him to confront his pain and learn vital lessons. Feeling the pain, they agreed, is often the necessary catalyst for change.

Joshua concluded with a passionate plea for radical honesty, particularly concerning secrets around identity. He spoke of the damage secrets cause and the immense peace and authentic connection that comes from living truthfully, even if it feels risky. "The life that we all want can only happen when we're honest about it," he urged. "The truth is a superpower. The truth will set you free."

Final Thoughts

Meagan's simple, grounding advice for anyone feeling disconnected is to step away from the noise: "Go sit outside. Put your feet on the grass... Put our phones down, to go be in nature and just let the elements take care of us."

This conversation on Unmasking Humanity serves as a powerful reminder that even amidst complexity and division, the path to connection lies in courageous self-acceptance, vulnerable honesty, and the willingness to see the shared humanity beneath the surface. It's about finding that inner place where we feel both Held and Free.