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Relationship Dynamics • Wellness
It is perhaps the oldest question in the book of human relationships: Can men and women really be friends?
We've seen it played out in romantic comedies for decades, but in the real world—stripped of Hollywood scripts—the answer is rarely a simple "yes" or "no." It involves navigating complex layers of chemistry, history, and emotional safety. To close out the year, Dr. Kulpa Sandar and her co-host, "The World's Mayor" Joshua T. Berglan, sat down for a raw, unfiltered episode of Gloves Off After Dark to tackle this loaded topic.
From the neuroscience of touch to the dangers of "trauma bonding," this discussion goes far beyond the surface level. Whether you believe platonic friendships are effortless or impossible, this conversation will challenge how you define boundaries in your own life.
Watch the full episode above for the deep dive into male-female friendship dynamics.
Dr. Kulpa opens the discussion by challenging the binary view that men and women cannot be friends. As someone who maintains deep, platonic friendships with men, she argues that the possibility exists—but it requires honesty about attraction.
"You can absolutely have a strictly platonic relationship with a man," Dr. Kulpa explains. "Now, where it can get complicated is if there's attraction. Just because there's attraction doesn't mean something physical has to happen. You can admit the attraction and know that it's not going anywhere."
Acknowledging attraction doesn't mean acting on it. Healthy friendships often survive attraction because both parties communicate clear boundaries rather than suppressing the feeling until it explodes into a complicated situation.
One of the most profound insights from the episode comes from Joshua Berglan, who opens up about his past tendency to seek safety in female friendships, only to blur the lines due to emotional vulnerability.
When two people share deep emotional scars, the resulting intimacy can mimic romantic love. This is often referred to as trauma bonding. As Joshua notes, "When you're pouring your heart open... there's a bond that forms. If there's chemistry, it's such an easy, natural thing to fall into."
This "savior complex" or desire to fill a void often disguises itself as friendship. Joshua admits that in the past, he would have dated his current female friends simply to fill an empty space within himself. Today, he views friendship differently: not as a way to fix himself, but as a mutual agreement to help one another heal without the complication of sex.
Is there a biological argument against casual intimacy in friendships? The hosts discuss a fascinating theory suggesting that physical touch—even holding hands—releases a neurochemical cocktail that can create false attachments, especially in the early stages of knowing someone.
Joshua shares a compelling anecdote about a long-distance friendship that turned romantic solely due to a desperate need for physical touch. "The first time I was touched, it wrecked my whole nervous system... it made me stupid," he confesses.
The advice? Consider a "Six-Month Rule." Delaying physical intimacy allows you to see the person's true character—their communication style, their stability, and their values—before your judgment is clouded by oxytocin and dopamine. As Dr. Kulpa points out, friendship naturally provides this buffer period, allowing you to see the "mask fall off" before you are contractually or emotionally bound to someone.
The conversation shifts to the shifting power dynamics in modern society. With more women rising to CEO roles and financial independence, the traditional "provider" dynamic is obsolete. However, this has created a new kind of loneliness for successful women.
"Men are usually assessing and scanning for a woman that is compliant... The men who are initially attracted to the women who contort and abandon themselves don't look at a woman like me because I'm complicated in their eyes."
— Dr. Kulpa Sandar
This segment highlights a critical friction point in modern dating and friendship: High-value women are often perceived as "too much work" by men who have not done their own healing. The solution isn't for women to dim their light, but for men to "keep it in their pants" long enough to heal and become the kings worthy of such queens.
Part of maintaining healthy relationships is maintaining self-confidence and self-care. In this episode, Dr. Kulpa shouts out the Lumi Spa by Nu Skin, a device she uses to keep her skin glowing.
Unlike old-school brushes that harbor bacteria, the Lumi Spa uses a silicone head for hygienic exfoliation and massage. "I like things that are science-based," Dr. Kulpa notes, referencing Nu Skin's 75 on-staff PhDs. Whether you are navigating the dating scene or just practicing self-love, putting your best face forward matters.
So, can men and women be friends? The consensus from Gloves Off After Dark is a resounding yes —but with a caveat. It requires high emotional intelligence, strict boundaries, and, most importantly, discernment.
If you are looking for a friend to fill a void, you will likely end up in a messy "situation-ship." But if you approach friendship with the goal of mutual growth, stripping away the expectation of romance, you might just find the greatest love of all.
Do you have a strictly platonic best friend of the opposite sex? Or do you believe it's a myth? We want to hear your stories.
Note: The following transcript has been lightly edited for clarity and readability.
Hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of Gloves Off After Dark. I'm your host Dr. Kulpa Sandar and this is my co-host Joshua Berglan, the world's mayor. So glad you could join me today. We are sitting here on the last Sunday of December, a new year about to start in 2026, and I thought it would be fun to close out the year with a question that I always get asked: "Can men and women really be friends?"
I think that is a loaded topic, and I think you and I are the perfect people to talk about it because we've talked about this. I have a lot more great guy friends than I have female friends. I love my guy friends—absolutely adore them—and Josh is one of those. And you, Josh, have a lot of female friends. So, it's really interesting how we're very similar in that way.
My feeling is this: you can absolutely have a strictly platonic relationship with a man. Now, where it can get complicated is if there's attraction. Just because there's attraction doesn't mean something physical has to happen. You can just actually admit the attraction and know that it's not going anywhere.
Joshua Berglan:Well, I mean, it's not really far off from yours. It takes a different mindset to be able to be friends with a woman. I will admit, I primarily have been friends with women my entire life. There was a reason for that growing up—I mainly felt safe with women. I didn't feel safe around men for a long time.
But it's very rare that at some point that friendship line gets sketchy because when you do feel safe, you drop your walls. Then there's vulnerability. Vulnerability is a very attractive state. And when you're pouring your heart open... there's a bond that forms. You can call it trauma bonding. If there's chemistry, it's such an easy natural thing to fall into, like, "Oh, now we're making love." And then the next thing I know, I'm in a relationship with somebody that I should have just been friends with.
Dr. Kulpa Sandar:So how do you make that distinction? How do you distinguish between "this person I should just be friends with even though there's chemistry" versus "maybe there's something more"? Because sometimes the best relationships actually start in friendship.
Joshua Berglan:I don't think it's a perfect science. For a relationship to be long-term healthy, there needs to be a foundation of friendship there. Without that foundation, it just turns into something sexual, and that becomes the main focus. Those sexual relationships can be fun, but they are also some of the most traumatizing.
Looking back at my past relationships, I was filling a void. Maybe they could fix me, or maybe the sex was just insanely good. I was relationship hopping. I could say all day long that I just want to be friends, and next thing I know, we're naked. Right now, I have very close friends for the first time in my life who are all women. In the past, I would have dated every single one of them immediately. I would have invited their trauma and baggage into my baggage. That's a toxic cocktail.
Dr. Kulpa Sandar:That's a really good point because sometimes you can actually trauma bond into a sexual dynamic. I think that's where you have to really look at yourself and identify what void that is filling for you.
I look at friends now and ask: "What kind of life does this person want to live?" If I was actually going to go the other direction now, I have to really see that person as possibly a partner... otherwise, I'm not going to mess with the friendship. If you break down the walls of a friendship, you don't want to do it just for a fling.
Joshua Berglan:I have a really smart friend who understands the brain better than most neuroscientists. She shared with me that you shouldn't even hold hands with a prospective dating partner for six months. It releases neurochemicals—science backs this up. It messes with our chemistry and disrupts our whole world the minute we invite romance into the equation.
Dr. Kulpa Sandar:It can create a lot of false attachments. Especially if sex is involved.
Joshua Berglan:Exactly. Living in isolation due to my tremors, there was a deep need in me to want to be touched. The first time it happened with a long-distance friend, it wrecked my whole nervous system. It made me "stupid" because I was desperate. I really just needed a friend, but I fell into dating.
By waiting, you get enough time to see if you want to break this friendship zone. You get a 360 view of what's going on. Relationships are more than just what you have in common.
Dr. Kulpa Sandar:Our society is built on instant gratification. Friendship gives you that time and space to explore the human being without romantic possibility. If you commit too fast, and after two months the mask falls off... you're stuck because you've bonded sexually. Once you've had sex with someone, it's really hard to walk away no matter how toxic they are.
[Discussion on Modern Women and CEO Dynamics]
Joshua Berglan:More women are seeking male friends than ever. But so many women have been hurt by men that they don't feel safe. I am fortunate to be a safe place for many women because of my honesty about my past. I also see women stepping up in power—becoming CEOs. The days of a woman being home at 5:00 having dinner on the table are over, and I'm okay with that.
Dr. Kulpa Sandar:As a female CEO, it absolutely gets lonely. I don't have trouble finding interest, but the dynamic is hard. Most men aren't confident enough to be with a woman who is confident, articulate, and a high income producer. I think swipe culture has changed things. Men are scanning for compliance. Women are contorting themselves to be chosen. It creates a false dynamic.
Men look at a woman like me and think, "She's complicated. She's going to demand me to be a better version of myself." That's not as attractive to them as someone who will just jump into bed.
Joshua Berglan:My old self saw that as prey. I knew I could gaslight the compliant ones. If I had met someone like you back then, I wouldn't have dated you because I knew I wasn't worthy. I knew I would hurt you.
We need to start holding ourselves to a higher standard. Keep your penis in your pants for a while and heal. Once you become the man you were created to be, you will attract what's meant for you. Maybe it won't be romantic, maybe it will just be the greatest friend you've ever had.
Boundaries have made my life harder in some ways. When my boundaries became strong, I stopped tolerating BS, and suddenly I felt very isolated. But recently, I've seen an influx of like-minded friendships. It's time to focus less on romance and more on helping each other finish the race.
Joshua Berglan:The greatest love of all that I've ever felt is in the friendships I have right now. We lift each other up. If something goes wrong, we ask "How can I show up for you?" instead of taking it personally. That is what love is. And you can share that with any gender without having sex in it.
Dr. Kulpa Sandar:I agree. It's all about discernment. Male-female friendships can be complicated, but if you have discernment, you can navigate it. Don't screw up a good friendship unless you see a real possibility of partnership.
Blueprints for a Purposeful Tomorrow
