There are times when I remember certain events that happened, and they play out in my mind like a movie scene. I think if I had not lived it myself, I might not really believe it. Often when I tell my story, people say they have never heard anything like it; but I keep on telling it.

In May of 2019, Management and Training Corporation (MTC) signed a contract with the Texas Civil Commitment Office (TCCO) to run the security at the Texas Civil Commitment Center (TCCC) in Littlefield, Texas. TCCO is a state agency based in Austin, so the money comes from Texas taxpayer dollars. I was employed by MTC as a Security Officer.

I think it is important to always mention that I liked my job, I was good at my job, and I enjoyed going to work each night. I’m the kind of person that appreciates structure and organization at work. The captain that I had was extremely good at instilling that type of atmosphere. He did not tolerate anything less and held his crew to a high standard. The sergeant under him was very kind and easy to work with. The two of them had years of experience in correctional settings and were very knowledgeable. I have a deep respect for their work ethic, and I learned a lot from them; things that I still use to this day in my present job.

As time went on, I got to learn many things about the men I looked after. I previously mentioned a man we had to research in training. We were given the assignment to Google a man and watch a documentary about him and his crimes ( Texas Cheerleader Rapist ). He was convicted of murder and later convicted of a sex crime. When I began working on BRAVO, I immediately recognized his name and kept an eye on him. There was no need to. He greeted me with a hello every time I saw him, he was quiet and followed rules, clean and neat in appearance and in his living area, and eventually became friendly and talkative. One time he offered to intervene when I was having issues with another resident. He was afraid I was going to be hurt and said he was not going to allow me to be injured. I assured him I would be fine and appreciated the gesture, but did not want him to get involved in anything like that. This man remains one of my favorite residents, and I think of him often.

Another resident that I spoke to on a daily basis I will call “Yolanda”. This resident would yell "Yolanda" at me every time they saw me, and so I just started doing it back. This person was loud and obnoxious, outgoing and friendly, funny and kind. There was never a dull moment when they were around. When they arrived at the facility, many of the other men remembered them from prison, but their outward appearance was somewhat different; while incarcerated in TDCJ (Texas Department of Criminal Justice), this individual had started the process of changing their sex. I have many, many memories of hearing laughter, and it coming from Yolanda. I never did figure out why they picked that name for me, but I still smile thinking about it.

Not every resident was engaging and friendly, and for the most part, it didn’t bother me. However, there was this one man that I saw every night I worked, and he was just not sociable at all. BRAVO was pretty much my dorm for a long time. Captain always put me there, and I was gaining confidence in running the biggest dorm. As he said, if I could work on BRAVO, I could work anywhere. So, I made sure that I knew the men on my dorm and their movements. I had a few men that had jobs within the facility, and the unfriendly man was one of them. I had heard a few stories about him, and he was initially in solitary confinement when I first started my job at TCCC. Now he was a janitorial worker and in charge of the floors. He ran the buffer and polished all the floors on all dorms throughout the facility. He worked night shift when there was less movement, so I saw him all the time. At the end of his shift, he would come back to the dorm and check in, I would pat search him and let him into his wing. He rarely spoke and did not engage in small talk. He kept to himself, except for a select few, and sure didn’t speak to me. In my mind, he came across as very arrogant and like he thought he was better than everyone else. This went on for several weeks before I said anything to him. One night when he came back from work, I said hello, but he just looked at me. I’m not sure why it bothered me, but it did. I asked him why he never said anything or responded to me, and I will never forget his response, “Does it make you feel some type of way because I don’t talk to you? That I don’t run out here and be all up in your face like the others?” And he turned and walked away. I’m pretty sure I just stood there with a dumb look on my face. I no longer thought he was arrogant; I was sure he was. And I didn’t know why he didn’t like me. I wasn’t a bad officer, and I ran the dorm fairly well. Every time I saw this man, it got under my skin, so I made it a point to speak to him, call him by his name, and made it where he had to acknowledge me. I’m pretty sure I annoyed him.

There were other men that would literally talk my head off as soon as I took post. With MTC, the schedule had changed to 12-hour shifts and block schedule, so I didn’t mind the talkers because it helped the time go by faster. I recall a time my Sergeant warned me to not become too friendly with the residents, that Captain frowned upon it. I was concerned and asked her if I was in trouble and if she thought I was too friendly. She said no, that I was doing my job and that it was obvious I cared. I did care. I wanted my dorm to run smoothly with no incidents. I didn’t want to have to do write-ups or reports. I didn’t want my captain to be upset with me or be written up myself. I told myself to be more observant and less talkative and really tried to stick to that.

During this time, I began forming bonds and relationships with my coworkers. Captain stressed that we shouldn’t become too relaxed and complacent because at any moment something could happen. We were reminded in briefing that these men were still criminals and had spent many years incarcerated and were institutionalized. He would stress that we needed to work together and be able to trust each other if we were ever in a bad situation, make sure that our coworkers had our back. Captain ran drills and drills! It was never a dull moment with fire drills and scenarios of someone escaping or having a medical emergency, evacuation, or suiting up in riot gear because we were under attack. He wanted us to be ready for anything and prepared to handle everything.

He definitely had favorites though. I got the feeling from him that he considered female staff to be inferior and saved the better positions for the men. I pushed myself to learn and be a good officer because I wanted to move up into one of those spots. I was tired of being stuck on BRAVO and the other dorms and wanted to be put elsewhere. Anytime I approached the subject he would say I wasn’t ready. Ugh, it was so frustrating. I was angry because I knew I could do anything that the others (MALES) could do. I asked one of the favorites if he could give me pointers and talk to Captain on my behalf. He too said I wasn’t ready. Clearly, I had to prove myself to everyone.

For months I kept working in the dorms and getting better at my paperwork. I would do write-ups, and Captain didn’t kick them back to be corrected. He would make his rounds and stay and make small talk. It seemed as if he was starting to accept me. Then the men on the dorm started telling me to watch out for him; that he had a bad habit of messing with the female staff. The residents had noticed him spending more time in the dorm with me; they had become protective of me. I had forgotten that the residents watch everything, and some could even read lips through the glass. I just laughed it off. There was no way that my captain, who was completely by the book, would do anything inappropriate with his staff and especially not ME. I was several years older than him and neither one of us was the others type. Fraternization was not allowed even though I had heard it happened. It’s just not something I thought about. I was there to work and that was it. I wasn’t going to get involved with anyone.

I liked my job. I cared about the residents I looked after. To many people, that would be my downfall. There would come a time when I would care more about the men I looked after than I would about that JOB.